Revenge of the Dish Soap

And under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you EVER mix the dish soap flavour with toothpaste.

Dish soap flavour outlasts...

Yes, dish soap flavour is very resilient. It stays around through:

Water
Hot tea
Pizza
Chocolate milk
Orbit gum
Garlic dinner rolls

It's amazing! I swear, Willy Wonka invented this flavour, it never goes away! Call right now, and we'll double the offer!

Dish soap flavour lasts longer than Stride gum

Tip for future reference. If you're going to reuse a straw, you should probably wash it out, but for the love of all that is good... make sure that ALL of the soap is out of the straw before you use it. Even the residue of the soap left on the inside is enough to make the nastiest hot chocolate you've ever tasted. Remember: dish soap is very concentrated, so a little is all it takes.

Also, in case you're wondering, the flavour stays in your mouth for at least eleven hours, but it may be more. And it also makes all food and water taste nasty. Actually, you're probably better off not eating or drinking since this only produces more saliva which is what got flavoured by the soap in the first place.

Look, just... don't reuse straws, okay?

It's tomorrow.

Deviant behavior... and I pick to do my paper on deaf people and their culture?

... yeah, I'm really going to start regretting this around page... oh... four, aren't I? Right around the time that I run out of crap to say.

This is going to be fun.

This is due on Monday, right? Wonderful.

EDIT (2/28/10) I actually made it two lines into page five before I finally rammed my head on my keyboard.

Last one for today

I swear. I'll be done after this.

I set down my laptop for a second to go get my sign language books, and when I came back, my cat had 'helped' me with some of my writing.

Thank you, kitty.

I can multitask.

Yes, I AM doing my paper while watching Apolo skate, Tari, don't be such a smart ass. I can do two things at once.

Well... three, since I'm blogging too.

Okay, you win. I'm putting the blog away. But I'm NOT turning off the TV!

But- but- but-

But I love Apolo 0.0 I don't want him disqualified...

Revising the English Language.

Okay, we've already decided that the word "Gubernatorial" is now known as "Governatorial".

I have also decided that the word "handful" is stupid, as is "mouthful". I mean... Hand. Full. Handfull. Mouth. Full. Mouthfull. So, once again "handfull" and "mouthfull" are now the correct forms of these words.

While we're at it, I dunno what is with this alternate capitalization thing lately. It's all Steve Jobs' fault. "iPod", "iPhone", "iMac", "iPad"..... seriously, Steve? So, until further notice, I will not be participating in this idiotic AltCaps thing. But "Ipod" and "Iphone" look just as stupid, so I will no longer be capitalizing anything in the word. "ipod", "iphone". The other two are just too stupid to even mention, so the "Mac" and the "New gigantic iphone for people with fat fingers" are the new names.

So sayeth Rio, let it be so.

Stupid words?

This just in: "Gubernatorial" is the stupidest word in the English language. I hereby declare the word to be "Governatorial", since that's really what it means.

New rule,

Finish a page: Get to eat one chocolate.

Finish a paper: Get to take a break and watch 3 to 5 episodes of CTFxC.

Finish all homework: Get to sleep.

Finish sleeping: Get to play Tomb Raider or Nine Dragons.

Seriously, Jack, really?

I've been staring at this computer screen and reading the most boring legal junk in the universe since Friday. Pretty much every waking moment. Honestly, I don't know how you crazy Warcrack people do it. I don't think I want to even look at my computer for a week after this.

Either that, or I want to play some serious amounts of Tomb Raider or Nine Dragons or something.

Aw... I miss playing Tomb Raider... I wanna play... want to play Tomb Raider... have to do paper... can't think... so tired... need coffee...

[Rio falls asleep on her own keyboard.]

Attention Defic-- OH SHINY!

I'm trying to get this paper done. Really.

But... but... I need to get caught up on all of the episodes of The Guild!!! They're only like six minutes long each... I have enough time for a few episodes, right? RIGHT??

... so, let me ask you this. If I'm a fan of Dr. Horrible... and now The Guild... and I read more webcomics than syndicated comics... have I completely gone over to the Geek Side?

I frigging love the English language

I just found out what you call a group of aardvarks.

They are called an aarmory of aardvarks.

Isn't that epic??

OH!!!

I WAS GOING TO CHECK MY E-MAILS!!!

Who am I? Where am I? What is all this? Huh?

Okay, so I'm catching up on all the CTFxC videos that I've missed on YouTube. Apparently I've missed more than I thought. Almost a whole month. It's gonna take me forever to watch all of these. But whatever.

While watching this video, I am winding a ball of yarn which I had tangled beyond hope. Winding... winding... winding... yeah. If you've ever wound yarn before, you know that it's very repetetive and gets really boring unless you're doing something else (like watching CTFxC), until your yarn slips off the ball and then you wind up with this miniature tangle that you have to sort out.

Anyway.

Watching CTFxC, winding yarn. All of a sudden, I think of something really important. Something I want to do or write down or check on. I'm like... three feet away from the end of the yarn, so I wind the last of it, tuck the end in so it doesn't unravel, pause the CTFxC video, and...

...completely forget what I was going to do.

Yeah. I got nothing. Nothing at all.

Is this normal? I'm twenty years old, for Mandalor's sake...

As of this moment, I have yet to remember what it was I was going to do.

Packing?

What does one wear to Florida in winter? Hm. You'd figure that I would remember...

HA!!!

That I'd remember XD

Hahaha.... hee hee... ho... I crack myself up.

I think it was short sleeved t-shirts and a light-ish hoodie for mornings and evenings. OH! Lots and lots of card decks, because we stayed up until like 2:00 AM playing Egyptian Ratscrew. Imma have to teach everyone to play Big Twos... Yeah. Books. Lots of books. Notebook, let's not forget that. BUG SPRAY LIKE WHOA. That camp is like BUG CENTRAL. Those work gloves... digital camera, video camera, chargers, cell phone... CDs! Hum... I wonder what CDs I should bring... Diamond Rio, totally. It's not a trip without Diamond Rio. Should I bring Glenn Miller? 'cause I'm just that awesome. Hm. I shall have to think this over...

Whoo!

Spring break in FLORIDA, Y'ALL! ^_^

Argh.

I can't brain today. I have the dumb.

Phil Harris died?!?

Holy crap!!! Phil Harris died? Dude... that's crazy...

Story here: http://topgelato.com/captain-phil-harris-of-cornelia-marie-dies-at-53/13153



More reliable info here, direct from the source: http://www.corneliamarie.com/ (messages from the Harris boys. Warning, though, the site has been overloaded since the news broke, so you can't get past the front page yet)

Prolly should learn...

You know, it might be a good idea for me to learn how to write the beginning and end of a story. I've never been all that good at those, so I just sorta write the middle. Somehow that ends up working out fairly well for me. Well... I have like, zero readers on Fanfiction.net, but I guarantee that it's because I write military-comedy-tragedy stories with all original characters, and there's no place for that on FF.net. Now, if I wrote fanfiction shipping two established characters, screwed with the continuity of the established canon, and wrote just general fluff about these two falling in love and kissing while standing in a field of wildflowers, then I'd be a really popular writer.

Unfortunately, if I wrote that sort of stuff, I'd need a new computer after each story that I wrote on account of barfing on the keyboard.

And...

To the MedCo employee who just had to deal with my mother on the phone, I sincerely apologize. If I knew your name, I'd send the largest box of chocolates ever.

Yeah, she's always like that. I'm trying to teach her that not everyone is out to get her, and that "I can't talk to you about your husband's billing information" law was not set up with the sole purpose of stonewalling her personally. But she still thinks that it was made just to frustrate her. I'm trying to teach her, but honestly, it's like trying to teach an ape to recite Shakespeare.

Box of chocolates coming your way. Hope the rest of your day sucks less, and that your boss gives you a nice long lunch break for dealing with my mother.

You deserve hazard pay.

A test

I'm going to give you a coupon for a free item at your favorite store.

Okay? Okay.

Now, the fine print prevents me from giving you this coupon if you have more than $20 on any credit card. Do you?

You do?

I'm sorry, you don't qualify for the coupon. I apologize for taking up your time.

...

...

Now, did you feel like killing me? Because you felt entitled to that free thing? Like it's YOURS, and how dare I take it away from you?

If you answered yes to any of those questions... THEN YOU ARE NEVER... EVER... TO HANDLE BUSINESS WITH ANY EMPLOYEE. Have your husband, your kid, your aunt, your neighbor... ANYONE handle it. But if YOU think that every employee is out to get you, and you can't handle any sort of roadblock because of rules that the employee can't control, and you can't control your own temper... well, sit in your house and knit, because you have no business being near the public. Ever.

Interesting fact

My mom's doctor wanted her to abort me because he was convinced that I had brain damage.

I don't get it

But I never do, ya know? I mean, I've never lost anyone that's been really close to me. My grandpa, yeah, but that was two... three... four... I don't know how many years after his stroke. And he was miserable. So that was okay. But I've never had anyone really close to me die for no reason at all. So, for some reason, it's always worse for me when it's someone that I didn't know. It's that lady in drama club that I talked to sometimes, but never really made friends with, and I can't remember one conversation we had, even though I knew that I talked to her. It's a boy that I had seen across the aisle in church. I thought he was awesome 'cause he'd wear those tie things in his collar like country music singers wore before the 90s. This time around, it was a classmate. I finally found her picture in the obituaries, which was pretty good, considering that I only had an approxomate time of death, and only knew her first name. And looking at her picture... I still can't remember her. I don't remember hearing her say anything, I never talked to her, I don't remember her coming in early or late... just... nothing. The paper says she died "unexpectedly", but says nothing more than that. The professor said something about suicide, but it doesn't fit. But then... isn't it the ones that you don't notice?

That's my issue. That's why it's worse when it's someone that I didn't know. I have memories of my grandpa. I knew that he was miserable there at the end. I knew it was coming. I can remember the good times. I can tell the stories about him and his left handed pen pal.

But when it's someone I didn't know? It's like... I feel guilty about not knowing them. Especially like the guy from church. Because I had seen him. I did want to say that I liked those little collar things, but I never did. It would have been weird. You don't walk up to people and say stuff like that. I mean... when it's someone that I could have talked to, that I thought about talking to...

It's like I say. Maybe if I keep talking, nothing bad will happen. I mean, if it was suicide, chances are, one classmate wouldn't have made a huge difference. But you never know. I just don't like knowing that there was someone really near in proximity to me, and I never even saw them. That I have nothing to remember. Like some sort of footprint in the sand that'll go away with the next tide. I have this writerly need to know who the person was that made the footprint, so when the print is gone...

Yeah. Sorry if the whole sand thing was stupid. I'll just... yeah. I'll stop now. I sound crazy.

Hee hee...

Pandora radio...

In Soviet Russia... radio listens to you!!

..... did I already make that joke once? I feel like I did...

A theory

So, just got started on writing the essay portion of my take-home mid-term (accelerated class. that's why I'm already at the mid-term). And of course, I am having the worst time concentrating. Really. I've watched portions of about 3 episodes of NCIS, listened to the Doctor Horrible soundtrack, checked on Facebook, and scoured the internet for pictures of Jimmy Olander's taxi-cab guitar.

See, this is why I can never get anything done.

So, finally I turn on some music. And now I can concentrate. (Except that I'm writing a blog instead, but... stay with me for a sec.)

So, you know about that study they did? Dunno how big it was. Anyway. They had two groups of students take a test. In one classroom, they played rock music. In the other room, they played classical. And, of course, the room with the classical music did much better. So, they theorize, rock music rots your brain, and classical music makes you smarter.

But see, I've got a different theory. And remind me to test this one out if I ever have to do a psychological experiment or something crazy.

When I have any sort of schoolwork to do, whether it's a test or a paper or whatever, I can't concentrate. But music helps. But it has to be specific music. It can't have any lyrics (at least in English), and it can't have a theme that I know well (i.e. the Indiana Jones theme, the Star Wars theme, or any of the Pirates soundtracks). Two things happen: My brain won't focus on the schoolwork completely, so it focuses on the music. If I don't have music to focus on, that's when I wind up on Facebook or watching NCIS.

Does that make sense? I need to provide my brain with a distraction it can think about while still allowing me to work. But if it has English lyrics, I end up listening to the story, or singing along. If it is a theme I know well, I'm humming along with it, or following the melody that I know so well.

So. That's kinda the best way I can explain my little theory. Did the students listening to the rock music do poorly because they were listening to the words, and couldn't concentrate on the written words in front of them? And did the students listening to classical music do better because the music kept their brains from straying too far, yet didn't distract them with lyrics or a hummable melody?

By the way, the music I'm listening to? Rap music. In Hebrew. Really.

Martial Arts films

Martial Arts films are so cheesy, it's hilarious. I think I'm a fan.

Hm.

Yeah, see, now, this is going to be one of those useful things during interviews, you know? "Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions. We'll consider your application. But one final thing, we would like you to complete a sample brief for us. Thank you much."

But reading cases still kinda sucks. I'd rather be crocheting. I got a new book. 33% off coupon at Borders. Stitch and Bitch, the Happy Hooker. I love yarn books with questionable names. There's something fun about them. It makes a rather girly project seem a bit more sinister. Like embroidery with curse words. Sundresses with combat boots. Harley-Davidson jackets in infant sizes. It's like that. *sigh* I'm gonna need some more yarn. Ooh, I want that bamboo stuff I found at Hobby Lobby! Totally soft. Seriously, bamboo. Don't ask me how you make yarn out of bamboo, 'cause I dunno. I just know that it's the softest most awesome thing ever. More expensive than those acrylic yarns I've been buying, obviously.

Now, Rio, what are you supposed to be doing?

... writing a case brief?

Yes. And what are you doing?

... blogging about yarn?

And what should you NOT be doing?

... blogging about yarn....

So you're going to...

...stop blogging about yarn and get back to my homework.

GOOD! Now, say goodbye, hit the publish button, and go back to reading that case.

Last one, then I'm done

So, I had been scouring my textbook for any ideas on how to write this stupid brief, and as I said, there was flubbing nothing there.

So, thanks to my awesome college learning, thousands of dollars for a degree, and professors with extensive knowledge on criminal justice, I did what any intelligent book-learned college student would do.

I Googled it.

Well lookie there. Step by step instructions on how to write a brief.

So glad I paid for tuition.

The same issue, only a little more in depth

Okay, so, I have to write a case brief for my constitutional law class. Only, the professor never actually said how to do that. He gave us a page number in the book that has an example of a case law... supposedly. But of course, it's a textbook, so all it actually says is "When writing a brief, take good notes, 'cause they get kinda long." Not in those words, but you get the idea. An example of what it's supposed to look like? Oh no, that would be helpful, and we have to charge extra for that.

Seriously, I hate it when professors do that!! "Do this complicated legal paper that you've never seen before, and make it good 'cause you want an A."

Seriously. I can't get a job in the criminal justice system because I have no idea what a case brief looks like. They want me to go to school to learn this stuff. Yet when I go to school, they expect me to already know about the stuff that I'm learning. How in the hell does that help me? Where does this elusive knowledge come from? Because I certainly haven't found this Fountain of Smart that these jobs and colleges think I've found.

Here's a concept. When I'm paying you thousands of dollars to teach me what the hell I'm supposed to be doing.... teach me what the hell I'm supposed to be doing!

Good job picking a major...

Why, you ask, would I pick criminal justice as my major if I hate courts and lawyers so much?

...

yeah, I'll get back to you on that.