I said this one to Ara while we were chatting, and there's nowhere I can quote it. Everywhere else I go is crowded with liberals. But this is MY blog, and I can post what I want to.
Obama: Thanks for the tour, George. Now, really, can you get out of my office?
Dubya: Just hang on... I can't remember where I hid my shotgun...
O: *inspecting the decorating* Hey, George? What's this?
W: Eh? That's our Winston Churchill statue. The prime minister of Great Britain gave him to us after September 11th.
O: ... that's nice. Is there a return address?
W: You're going to send him back?
O: Can't have him in my office. He smoked cigars constantly. Smoking is bad.
W: .....
O: Weed is healthful. Everyone does it.
W:... *shrug* *checks under the Resolute desk* Oh HERE it is. I had it taped under here in case of attack. *untapes shotgun* Well. I'm all packed, then. Guess I'll be seeing you.
O: *tosses Winston into a box* Yep. Will you take him to the post office on your way out? Thanks.
29 April, 2009
To Whom It May Concern...
Dear England,
Thank you for the tea and Dancing With The Stars. We are still deciding whether American Idol looks good with the drapes or not, but we are sure that we will find a place for it. As a thank you gift, you may have President Obama, however we would like the return of our Winston Churchill bust. We have also decided that we are going to keep Tim Roth and Hugh Laurie. Hope to see you soon.
Sincerely,
Fox Network
Thank you for the tea and Dancing With The Stars. We are still deciding whether American Idol looks good with the drapes or not, but we are sure that we will find a place for it. As a thank you gift, you may have President Obama, however we would like the return of our Winston Churchill bust. We have also decided that we are going to keep Tim Roth and Hugh Laurie. Hope to see you soon.
Sincerely,
Fox Network
28 April, 2009
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah.
My oh my, what a wonderful day. [/sarcasm]
So, there's this guy. This totally perfect guy. I mean he is everything I could ever want in a guy, except for one thing -- he isn't interested in me at all. He's known that I like him for a while. Probably a year now. But I'm just not the right girl for him, apparently. He said he'd be willing to be friends, though (which is all a bunch of bull, girls. Don't believe guys that say that stuff).
And the fun part. In March, me, him, and the whole Bible study group went to Florida for spring break. While we were all down there, he started really hitting it off with this girl-- we'll call her Carrie. But see, Carrie already had a boyfriend. But somewhere during that week, she decided that she liked John (that's what we're calling the guy) better. So Carrie dumped her boyfriend so she could have John. She said, however, that she wasn't going to date him right away, because she claims that she dumped her old boyfriend for "spiritual" reasons, which again is a load of crap. So they waited one month. And as of Saturday night, they are officially dating.
Now, the part that makes me feel like a real idiot is that all of this was happening right under my nose. The whole week in Florida, Carrie was all over him. I mean literally. Sitting on him, always having her hands on him, going out of her way to always be near him. They spent every waking moment together-- and then some! On the bus ride back home, they slept all snuggly together-- in plain view, no less. I mean, everyone could see them. And I am the only one that thinks that was HIGHLY inappropriate. Everyone else thinks they're so cute together.
Bitch is blaming God as her reason for breaking up with her old boyfriend! But it was because she found someone more interesting! Why the hell does John think she's not going to do the same thing to him? If some other guy comes along, what's to stop her from breaking John's heart so she can hop on over to the next guy?
And this isn't just me being paranoid. She actually said to me that she left her old boyfriend because she likes John better. In her defense, she doesn't have a clue that I like him, and she thought I'd be rather supportive. Newsflash, bitch.
I feel really stupid right now.
OKAY! Once again, I don't see why I bother with guys. They're all the same. Never again.
So, there's this guy. This totally perfect guy. I mean he is everything I could ever want in a guy, except for one thing -- he isn't interested in me at all. He's known that I like him for a while. Probably a year now. But I'm just not the right girl for him, apparently. He said he'd be willing to be friends, though (which is all a bunch of bull, girls. Don't believe guys that say that stuff).
And the fun part. In March, me, him, and the whole Bible study group went to Florida for spring break. While we were all down there, he started really hitting it off with this girl-- we'll call her Carrie. But see, Carrie already had a boyfriend. But somewhere during that week, she decided that she liked John (that's what we're calling the guy) better. So Carrie dumped her boyfriend so she could have John. She said, however, that she wasn't going to date him right away, because she claims that she dumped her old boyfriend for "spiritual" reasons, which again is a load of crap. So they waited one month. And as of Saturday night, they are officially dating.
Now, the part that makes me feel like a real idiot is that all of this was happening right under my nose. The whole week in Florida, Carrie was all over him. I mean literally. Sitting on him, always having her hands on him, going out of her way to always be near him. They spent every waking moment together-- and then some! On the bus ride back home, they slept all snuggly together-- in plain view, no less. I mean, everyone could see them. And I am the only one that thinks that was HIGHLY inappropriate. Everyone else thinks they're so cute together.
Bitch is blaming God as her reason for breaking up with her old boyfriend! But it was because she found someone more interesting! Why the hell does John think she's not going to do the same thing to him? If some other guy comes along, what's to stop her from breaking John's heart so she can hop on over to the next guy?
And this isn't just me being paranoid. She actually said to me that she left her old boyfriend because she likes John better. In her defense, she doesn't have a clue that I like him, and she thought I'd be rather supportive. Newsflash, bitch.
I feel really stupid right now.
OKAY! Once again, I don't see why I bother with guys. They're all the same. Never again.
01 April, 2009
Keep talking.
Maybe if I keep talking, nothing bad will happen, eh? Seems to be my philosophy in life. A little bit Donna Noble, me. "Shouting at the world because no one is listening". Sometimes it seems like the more I talk, the less people hear, you know?
Sometimes the gift of the gab can come in handy, though. I've got this friend who had a tussle with depression a few years ago. Took a whole bottle of pills, but her parents got her to the doctor in time, but she had to stay at the hospital for a few months and what not. Big ordeal. Anyway. They got her out of there and on anti-depressants. She's been fine ever since then (I think. If there have been mini-episodes, they weren't bad enough for me to hear about them.)
But see, there's this guy she really likes. REALLY likes. Like she has said that he's the one she could see herself marrying. They were dating for a while, but his parents didn't approve, so they broke up. About a year later, she still likes him just as much, and she wanted to know if he still likes her. So she asked. He said that he didn't like her in a dating sense, but as a friend. Well, she's crushed. And she's been really bummed since then. She says that it's no big deal, that yeah, she's sad, but she'll get over it. And she's trying to play the brave card again. But today when I saw her, she was really messed up. Just didn't want to talk to anyone, and that is certainly a red flag. She's usually a social butterfly. She updated her Facebook status saying something along the lines of no one understanding her or anything.
Now, as I was reading this, I figure she's just tired and overworked and needs to sleep. I figured I would just leave her be and she'd have everything sorted after she gets some rest. But then I remember the salad. I remember bugging her about that damn salad when she was at my house last time I saw her before the suicidal episode. And I knew something was bothering her, but I didn't ask. I figured if she wanted to talk about it, she would. It was during the next week that I got the phone call about her taking the pills.
So I thought better of leaving her alone, this time. I sent her a text and asked if everything was okay. She said that life really sucks right now, thanks for asking. Well, I didn't like the way that was worded. So I asked what she needed, and she said a vacation away from any guys. So I made up this ridiculous story about us going volcano studying, and that no guys would follow us there. I'm pretty sure she's gone to sleep by now, but it didn't take long for her to sound like she was in a better mood.
Maybe if I keep talking, nothing bad will happen.
Sometimes the gift of the gab can come in handy, though. I've got this friend who had a tussle with depression a few years ago. Took a whole bottle of pills, but her parents got her to the doctor in time, but she had to stay at the hospital for a few months and what not. Big ordeal. Anyway. They got her out of there and on anti-depressants. She's been fine ever since then (I think. If there have been mini-episodes, they weren't bad enough for me to hear about them.)
But see, there's this guy she really likes. REALLY likes. Like she has said that he's the one she could see herself marrying. They were dating for a while, but his parents didn't approve, so they broke up. About a year later, she still likes him just as much, and she wanted to know if he still likes her. So she asked. He said that he didn't like her in a dating sense, but as a friend. Well, she's crushed. And she's been really bummed since then. She says that it's no big deal, that yeah, she's sad, but she'll get over it. And she's trying to play the brave card again. But today when I saw her, she was really messed up. Just didn't want to talk to anyone, and that is certainly a red flag. She's usually a social butterfly. She updated her Facebook status saying something along the lines of no one understanding her or anything.
Now, as I was reading this, I figure she's just tired and overworked and needs to sleep. I figured I would just leave her be and she'd have everything sorted after she gets some rest. But then I remember the salad. I remember bugging her about that damn salad when she was at my house last time I saw her before the suicidal episode. And I knew something was bothering her, but I didn't ask. I figured if she wanted to talk about it, she would. It was during the next week that I got the phone call about her taking the pills.
So I thought better of leaving her alone, this time. I sent her a text and asked if everything was okay. She said that life really sucks right now, thanks for asking. Well, I didn't like the way that was worded. So I asked what she needed, and she said a vacation away from any guys. So I made up this ridiculous story about us going volcano studying, and that no guys would follow us there. I'm pretty sure she's gone to sleep by now, but it didn't take long for her to sound like she was in a better mood.
Maybe if I keep talking, nothing bad will happen.
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